netflix and chill…

I hate when sayings become really common, like when I’m reading the news buzzfeed, and realize I have no idea what it’s talking about. I’m always reminded of my age when I have to ask children what certain sayings mean. Don’t even get me started on trying to decipher what on fleek meant. My latest struggle: Netflix and chill. Wtf?

I’ll be honest. I only recently discovered Netflix. In what world was I living in? Well, one where I found pirated copies of movies and tv shows on websites while also dealing with ad/possible virus pop-ups that must be closed out quickly or death. Please don’t come for me, FBI. Little did I realize the gem that literally everyone else had already been using. Oh, I want to watch a show from ten years ago? Netflix has it. Oh, I missed the final episodes of this new show last season? Netflix already has it. Oh, I want to watch some random movie that just scrolled across the screen. Boom, Netflix.

But, now we’ve added the word chill. Is this like I’m sitting alone on the couch with my wine kind of chill? Or does my future rescue cat sitting with me count too? Is this the kind of chill where I need a shawl or my nana’s afghan? Maybe those fleece socks that pill up all the time? What are we talking about here?

…Ok…I googled it. It’s kid code for hook up. If this is the same person who came up with ‘bae’ then I have some serious concerns.

the downlookers.

09.22.15
Yes, I just made that name up. One of my biggest pet peeves nowadays is people who don’t look up from their phone. I absolutely hate it. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned here before that I purposely get in the pathway of those who are staring down at their phones, just hoping that they bump into me, so I can glare and tell them to LOOK UP! No one has run into me yet, they’ve developed the ability to sense a person purposely standing in front of them. Or else there’s an app that detects it, I can’t be sure anymore.

As I was driving to work the other day, I was passing by the people waiting in the turn lane, almost all of them had their heads down staring at a phone. It was pretty sad. Technology can be fantastic and awful at the same time. Hey, I’m glad that I can get anywhere now thanks to GPS on my phone, but I loathe the fact that many people only have the capacity to communicate via text. I’m sure doctors are making bank on this trend with all of the carpal tunnel and neck/back issues.

What really gets me are the elementary kids who own smart phones. What could they possibly be texting about? Instagraming? Tweeting? What’s on the lunch order for the day? Johnny pushed them down at recess? Johnny is an ahole? Do kids still have recess? What is it?! I can’t help but shake my head every time I see a small child on an iphone. It’s such a stupidly absurd sight, and now, unfortunately, quite common.

We live in a different world these days. The downlookers have taken over. We have an epidemic.

so thirty happened…

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The urge to write has found me once again. Also, thirty happened. It came and went fairly quickly. The thing about thirty isn’t that it’s so bad, it’s that when you look back at your early twenties you had all of these big ideas, those lists of 30 before 30. And you know what, a lot of that won’t happen. And that’s completely ok.

Yes, you start to get annoyed by those saying thirty is just a number, but when you start to fully realize all of the things you’ve done so far, and the things you still want to do, the number seems a bit more manageable.

One thing that does bug me about being at this place in my life, is those who believe that because they’ve ‘accomplished‘ more they’re somehow above you. And by accomplish more, I mean they got married and had a family. Yes, those things are great…to that person. I’ve measured the accomplishments in my life by having a job I enjoy, traveling the world, and doing things that I want to do. That does not make me any more or less accomplished than someone else. Did I think I’d be in a different place by this age? Of course, who doesn’t. But, the important thing is that you’re happy where you’re at, and if you’re not, there is still time to make a few changes.

I turned thirty. The world isn’t over. I’ve got bigger things planned.

what i’ve learned not to do in life…

Since I’m getting closer and closer to the thirty mark. I thought I’d reflect on things that I’ve learned, or rather learned not to do, over these past twenty-nine years. Relevancy is questionable, but I’ve got a lifetime of knowledge.

30. Don’t play with fire. I had a slight pyro obsession in my early years that resulted in some burned up wind pants. My parents found out. All candles were removed from my presence.

29. Don’t worry about cheating on tests in elementary school. They tell you not to do this, but sometimes you might just suck at math, history, and science and need a little help getting by. Was anyone hurt by this? I don’t think so.

28. Don’t get caught cheating on said tests. You may not be smart enough to pass, but you should be smart enough to be stealthy. This is how the FBI recruits now.

27. Don’t believe you are invincible. When you get hurt, you will bleed, and it will take days to heal. You don’t have magical powers. I blame movies for all of this. All of it.

26. Don’t purposely try to hurt yourself to test your powers. Same as above. This is not Heroes. Save yourself.

25. Don’t be mean to your parents all of the time. You’ll need them some day. Like when you’re almost 30 and need a place to live. Be thankful for your new roomies.

24. Don’t dumb yourself down to be funny. Nerd becomes cool again.

23. Don’t take high school so seriously. Yea, it may seem like a big deal at the time, but it’s really not.

22. Don’t inhale bubbles. You will choke. You will also have an awful taste in your mouth and want to cry.

21. Don’t trust anyone in AOL chat rooms. This may not be relevant now (is AOL even still a thing?) but the message is clear. Internet stranger danger. Have you seen Megan is Missing?

20. Don’t hold grudges forever. You may need to use that person someday to get ahead in life.

19. Don’t leave your drink behind. Yes, roofies are still a thing. Ugh.

18. Don’t watch nickelodeon all day. There are better things to do than watch the lineup of Eureka’s Castle, David the Gnome, and The Lil Bits. Seriously, get out more.

17. Don’t be afraid to try new things. You may end up hating most of them, but at least the attempt was there. Otherwise, things can get kinda boring.

16. Don’t think you have to have everything figured out by eighteen. That’s asking the impossible. You’ve got plenty of time to think things through.

15. Don’t think you can’t go back. Obviously, not in time, but there may be other ways to make changes that you wish you would have done before.

14. Don’t think you’re not going to do stupid things. Kids do stupid things because their brains aren’t fully developed. Science. You’ll look back on some things and think it was the stupidest thing you could have possibly done. And you will be correct.

13. Don’t grown up too fast. Live it up early, your nostalgia kicks in to high gear in your late twenties.

12. Don’t worry about mixing pop rocks and coke. Ignore awful looking platinum Joshua Jackson.

11. Don’t think you know everything. You know nothing, and older people will always tell you that, Jon Snow.

10. Don’t worry about giving younger people advice. Thanks to number 11, you can tell them whatever and they’ll think it’s sage wisdom because you’re older and thus have seen the world.

9. Don’t forget to see ‘the world’. Or at least make it out of your hometown for a while.

8. Don’t think you’ll ever forget song lyrics. There’s a special place in your brain that stores the lyrics to every song ever. Seriously, they’re all there. More science.

7. Don’t regret your mistakes for too long. They will lead you to where you’re supposed to be. But, if not, refer to number 15.

6. Don’t panic over Y2K. Someone most likely made it up to troll everyone. And it worked.

5. Don’t ignore your gut. It tells the truth. Also feed it well. It likes cheetos. That one might just be me.

4. Don’t get tattoos in places that will sag later on in life. Your hipster anchor tattoo may become a sinking blob later on in life. Spoiler: it sinks, that is what an anchor does. The very definition. Disclaimer: I do not have said tattoo.

3. Don’t forget to wear sunscreen. Yes, this one is an actual quote. No, that’s not why I’m writing it. Skin cancer looks scary.

2. Don’t worry too much about what people think. People will love you, people will hate you, people may not even think about you.

1. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. This one, my friends, take some time because of number 2. But, once you get to this place, you’ll feel much better.

everything looks clearer…

Cross another item off my ‘before 30 the end is near‘ bucket list, I had my eyeballs lasered off last week. Or as normal people call it, LASIK eye surgery. I’ve been wearing glasses since the fourth grade, and contacts since the sixth. You know that picture frame that holds slots for your pictures from first grade to senior year of high school? That piece of art shows the progression of my eyeball deterioration, as well as my teeth realignment, thanks braces.

Now that I’m glasses and contacts free, I’ve come to realize how much of a major pain those things were just so that I could be able to see something. Even though glasses seem to be super in right now (thanks hipsters and/or ‘geeky’ girl selfies?), if you can’t see without them, then those things are obnoxious. They’re constantly getting dirty of finger smudgy. You have zero peripheral because those are legit blind spots. And you’re always pushing them back up on your nose Squints style.

As for contacts, every day you have to wake up and stick a finger in your eyeball. You’re always trying to figure out if the contact is taco shaped or else it’s flipped and won’t stay on. You’re squirming and wincing if the contact has crap all over it which is now in your eye. Once they’re in, sometimes they move if you rub your eyes. I’ve heard that a girl got a contact lost in her eye one time. LOST. Who knows where that thing could be now. You also have to spend a stupid amount of money on solution, and if your eye doc thinks you’re an idiot (mine) then he makes you buy the peroxide solution which is even more money and hassle.

The weirdest part of LASIK is waking up in the morning and being able to see. Since I’m still fresh to this world, I panic a little when I wake up, thinking I left my contacts in. My alarm clock also seems to be a bit too bright for me, until I realized it was on the last light setting before being completely off. I’m in a whole new world now. I also figured this would prepare me for the zombie apocalypse because when I watch The Walking Dead, I always wonder how people who are blind find enough contacts, or this may be TMI, but how many ladies personal hygiene products would last, what would I DO? This is where my mind goes.

Have you had LASIK?

bye february…

The shortest month of the year comes to a close this weekend. In Buffalo, it’s also been the coldest month on record. Seriously. Our average temperature was never above freezing for 28 days. And I’m over it. Usually, I hate being that person who complains about the weather. I get it, I choose to live here, it is winter after all, but no. I’m done. Even Tim Horton’s roll up the rim contest can’t save me now.

My skin is cracking in all the wrong places. My makeup shades are entering translucent territory. And my cabin fever is hitting a breaking point…PANCAKES! I could do the obvious Frozen joke here with all of those small children constantly singing Dazeem’s song, but I should be better than that. I huddle around a space heater for the majority of my work day. I layer sweaters on top of sweaters. I can’t remember the last time the sun hit my face.

March, here’s hoping we make a turnaround. Though, as a native western new yorker, my hopes are at about a 0, which also happens to be tonight’s low.

What’s your weather situation looking like where you live? Can it possibly get much worse?

the house hunt.

02.03.15

There are some key life points that you hit which make you really feel like an adult. Paying off your student loans. Figuring out the electric and gas bills. Leaving the bar early because the average age is 22. And then there are those big purchases like a home. Well, I’ve hit that point. I’m on the house hunt.

It’s a good thing I’ve been sucked into HGTV marathons for years now because that is valuable info when trying to find a house to buy. I had my own first episode of House Hunters this past weekend. Ya know, you see the pictures online from what your realtor sent. You fall in love with the pictures and can’t stop picturing yourself there. Then you see it in person and think my god what a dump. Lesson one: pictures are deceiving, do not trust them.

I’ll be honest. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be looking for or asking during a showing. I mean, I can search on pinterest all I want for first-time home buyer’s guides, but all that goes out the window when I’m in the house. I’m supposed to look for cracks, but what kind of crack are we talking? The yard slopes, what exactly does that mean for me? The realtor says some things are going to need to be replaced, so who’s buying? There are three dogs incessantly barking at me from the neighbor’s house behind, how do I get rid of them? Those kinds of things. Lesson two: write your questions down.

So, yes, while searching for a home may make you feel all adult-like, actually going to see the house may make you feel like a small child who has no idea what you’re getting yourself into. Lesson three: accept that you have no idea what you’re doing.

Hey, Property brothers, I’m close enough to Canada, come down and help a girl out.