it’s the holiday season…

Boop de doo. Is that how the song goes? I’m so awful at lyrics.

Well, it’s that time of year again, friends. According to my facebook feed, it’s the season for santa visits, baking cookies, and making actual baby jesuses. For me, it’s a little different: santa bar crawls, eggnog candy cane moonshine shots, and all of the ugly sweaters I can throw on myself. Holidays as a single does not have to scream forever alone. Instead, watch home alone, and feel better about your life choices.

One thing I have noticed this holiday is that dudes from Christmas past have been coming out of the woodwork. We used to hook up in college, haven’t talked in years, oh now would be a great time to rekindle that dead flame? I get it, no one wants to be alone on christmas. However, that does not mean finding a random person, randomly talking to a person you no longer speak to, or being random and targeting the only other single person in your group of friends. Has this been happening to anyone else?

Standard table talk is another obstacle during this time. I should find my old talkboy and have the following on repeat: “Yes, I still live at home. Work is fine. No, I’m not seeing anyone. Yes, I do plan on moving out sometime soon. No, please don’t set me up. No, thank you. I mean, no.” It’s pretty much the same routine from Thanksgiving, which was a month ago.

Finally, you’ve got the dreaded holiday work parties to sit through. Now, I usually don’t mind them because I’m a big fan of dip. But, they’re still totally awkward. Again with the small talk. Again with explaining whatever current situation you got going on. And that fake laughter to see yourself out of a dull conversation. Just allow me to pull up a chair next to the appetizer table and let me be. I’ll eventually roll on out of here at some point.

Just think, a few days after this fiasco we have to plan for new years eve. Swell.

that fashion show…

So, there’s that little thing called the VS Fashion Show tonight that usually sparks a variety of reactions. It’s understandable when you have a slew of attractive women in lingerie stomping down a runway with pop tunes in the background. Reactions land everywhere and in between outrage, love, jealousy, hate, shame, and shade. For me, I enjoy it for the makeup, the flawless wave-curl, and pretending I could rock such extravagant wings. Seriously, I need a pair for no reason at all. Where would I even wear them?

I could get into the whole debate about beauty standards, unattainable goals, and the small percentage of women who naturally look like the angels…and I will. But, only because I think those things are worth mentioning. I’ve said it before, I could never be a kid growing up nowadays. I’m happy I had the 90’s. Those were some good years. Today’s standards of beauty seem so unachievable, even with movements showcasing beauty in all sizes, the idea of ‘thin beauty’ still exists, and can be seen right on the VS stage. It must send a mixed message to a young girl when she sees these gorgeous women, but then hears that they’re ‘not real’.

It’s such a touchy subject because you have so many opinions, fears, and objections thrown around all at once. I was a stick thin girl growing up, always being told I had to put meat on my bones, being accused of having eating disorders (did they not understand my love of cheetos?!), and having to deal with body image troubles. Now, when I sometimes tell my story, I get hit with ‘sooo, you were still thin’ because thin was, and still is, considered desirable. My case does not stand out, nor is it above anyone else’s, but the sad thing is that we all have cases. We have all struggled. Yet, we accuse each other and judge each other, when we’re all really in the same boat. Or sinking ship. Either way, there’s a hole there. We’re basically saying the same things, just in different shapes and sizes. What sucks is that society and media are telling us otherwise. We can’t win.

And it can’t be easy seeing those bronzed beauties glide across our screens. But, maybe we should take a step back, judgment aside, and take it for what it’s worth. There is beauty there. There are real women there.  And those wings.

the parent judgment.


If you’re not familiar with my blog or my current living situation, my parents have graciously allowed me to move back in with them while I search for a home. While I appreciate this, I’m slowly starting to lose my mind. I hit the one year mark last month and I’m itching to have my own space again. The home cooked meals and fresh laundry have been great, but I am never alone. And I love being alone. I feel you, Kevin McCallister.

One thing that has also gone to crap is my social life. It’s tough when you have a mom who asks 35 questions as you try to get out the door; ‘where are you doing, who is going to be there, what time will you be home‘.  This is usually when I revert back to my teenage self and scream as I exit. I’m not proud of this.

However, what I wasn’t prepared for was the parent judgment on my lack of doing anything on the weekends. Just last night, my dad asked if I talked to anyone other than them. Ugh. My mom also questioned my super good cyber monday deal on a ps4 for $299 (right!?). ‘Do other 30 year olds play games‘ she asked all judgy toned. Ughh. Where’s the bell of shame?

Listen up roomies, I’ve hit a low point in my life by moving back in with you two, I don’t need you pointing that out on the frequent. Even my dad last year at Christmas after many drinks told me how sad it was I was there. Point taken.

Now excuse me as I storm off to my room to play video games. What year am I living in??

netflix and chill…

I hate when sayings become really common, like when I’m reading the news buzzfeed, and realize I have no idea what it’s talking about. I’m always reminded of my age when I have to ask children what certain sayings mean. Don’t even get me started on trying to decipher what on fleek meant. My latest struggle: Netflix and chill. Wtf?

I’ll be honest. I only recently discovered Netflix. In what world was I living in? Well, one where I found pirated copies of movies and tv shows on websites while also dealing with ad/possible virus pop-ups that must be closed out quickly or death. Please don’t come for me, FBI. Little did I realize the gem that literally everyone else had already been using. Oh, I want to watch a show from ten years ago? Netflix has it. Oh, I missed the final episodes of this new show last season? Netflix already has it. Oh, I want to watch some random movie that just scrolled across the screen. Boom, Netflix.

But, now we’ve added the word chill. Is this like I’m sitting alone on the couch with my wine kind of chill? Or does my future rescue cat sitting with me count too? Is this the kind of chill where I need a shawl or my nana’s afghan? Maybe those fleece socks that pill up all the time? What are we talking about here?

…Ok…I googled it. It’s kid code for hook up. If this is the same person who came up with ‘bae’ then I have some serious concerns.

the downlookers.

Yes, I just made that name up. One of my biggest pet peeves nowadays is people who don’t look up from their phone. I absolutely hate it. I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned here before that I purposely get in the pathway of those who are staring down at their phones, just hoping that they bump into me, so I can glare and tell them to LOOK UP! No one has run into me yet, they’ve developed the ability to sense a person purposely standing in front of them. Or else there’s an app that detects it, I can’t be sure anymore.

As I was driving to work the other day, I was passing by the people waiting in the turn lane, almost all of them had their heads down staring at a phone. It was pretty sad. Technology can be fantastic and awful at the same time. Hey, I’m glad that I can get anywhere now thanks to GPS on my phone, but I loathe the fact that many people only have the capacity to communicate via text. I’m sure doctors are making bank on this trend with all of the carpal tunnel and neck/back issues.

What really gets me are the elementary kids who own smart phones. What could they possibly be texting about? Instagraming? Tweeting? What’s on the lunch order for the day? Johnny pushed them down at recess? Johnny is an ahole? Do kids still have recess? What is it?! I can’t help but shake my head every time I see a small child on an iphone. It’s such a stupidly absurd sight, and now, unfortunately, quite common.

We live in a different world these days. The downlookers have taken over. We have an epidemic.

so thirty happened…


The urge to write has found me once again. Also, thirty happened. It came and went fairly quickly. The thing about thirty isn’t that it’s so bad, it’s that when you look back at your early twenties you had all of these big ideas, those lists of 30 before 30. And you know what, a lot of that won’t happen. And that’s completely ok.

Yes, you start to get annoyed by those saying thirty is just a number, but when you start to fully realize all of the things you’ve done so far, and the things you still want to do, the number seems a bit more manageable.

One thing that does bug me about being at this place in my life, is those who believe that because they’ve ‘accomplished‘ more they’re somehow above you. And by accomplish more, I mean they got married and had a family. Yes, those things are great…to that person. I’ve measured the accomplishments in my life by having a job I enjoy, traveling the world, and doing things that I want to do. That does not make me any more or less accomplished than someone else. Did I think I’d be in a different place by this age? Of course, who doesn’t. But, the important thing is that you’re happy where you’re at, and if you’re not, there is still time to make a few changes.

I turned thirty. The world isn’t over. I’ve got bigger things planned.

what i’ve learned not to do in life…

Since I’m getting closer and closer to the thirty mark. I thought I’d reflect on things that I’ve learned, or rather learned not to do, over these past twenty-nine years. Relevancy is questionable, but I’ve got a lifetime of knowledge.

30. Don’t play with fire. I had a slight pyro obsession in my early years that resulted in some burned up wind pants. My parents found out. All candles were removed from my presence.

29. Don’t worry about cheating on tests in elementary school. They tell you not to do this, but sometimes you might just suck at math, history, and science and need a little help getting by. Was anyone hurt by this? I don’t think so.

28. Don’t get caught cheating on said tests. You may not be smart enough to pass, but you should be smart enough to be stealthy. This is how the FBI recruits now.

27. Don’t believe you are invincible. When you get hurt, you will bleed, and it will take days to heal. You don’t have magical powers. I blame movies for all of this. All of it.

26. Don’t purposely try to hurt yourself to test your powers. Same as above. This is not Heroes. Save yourself.

25. Don’t be mean to your parents all of the time. You’ll need them some day. Like when you’re almost 30 and need a place to live. Be thankful for your new roomies.

24. Don’t dumb yourself down to be funny. Nerd becomes cool again.

23. Don’t take high school so seriously. Yea, it may seem like a big deal at the time, but it’s really not.

22. Don’t inhale bubbles. You will choke. You will also have an awful taste in your mouth and want to cry.

21. Don’t trust anyone in AOL chat rooms. This may not be relevant now (is AOL even still a thing?) but the message is clear. Internet stranger danger. Have you seen Megan is Missing?

20. Don’t hold grudges forever. You may need to use that person someday to get ahead in life.

19. Don’t leave your drink behind. Yes, roofies are still a thing. Ugh.

18. Don’t watch nickelodeon all day. There are better things to do than watch the lineup of Eureka’s Castle, David the Gnome, and The Lil Bits. Seriously, get out more.

17. Don’t be afraid to try new things. You may end up hating most of them, but at least the attempt was there. Otherwise, things can get kinda boring.

16. Don’t think you have to have everything figured out by eighteen. That’s asking the impossible. You’ve got plenty of time to think things through.

15. Don’t think you can’t go back. Obviously, not in time, but there may be other ways to make changes that you wish you would have done before.

14. Don’t think you’re not going to do stupid things. Kids do stupid things because their brains aren’t fully developed. Science. You’ll look back on some things and think it was the stupidest thing you could have possibly done. And you will be correct.

13. Don’t grown up too fast. Live it up early, your nostalgia kicks in to high gear in your late twenties.

12. Don’t worry about mixing pop rocks and coke. Ignore awful looking platinum Joshua Jackson.

11. Don’t think you know everything. You know nothing, and older people will always tell you that, Jon Snow.

10. Don’t worry about giving younger people advice. Thanks to number 11, you can tell them whatever and they’ll think it’s sage wisdom because you’re older and thus have seen the world.

9. Don’t forget to see ‘the world’. Or at least make it out of your hometown for a while.

8. Don’t think you’ll ever forget song lyrics. There’s a special place in your brain that stores the lyrics to every song ever. Seriously, they’re all there. More science.

7. Don’t regret your mistakes for too long. They will lead you to where you’re supposed to be. But, if not, refer to number 15.

6. Don’t panic over Y2K. Someone most likely made it up to troll everyone. And it worked.

5. Don’t ignore your gut. It tells the truth. Also feed it well. It likes cheetos. That one might just be me.

4. Don’t get tattoos in places that will sag later on in life. Your hipster anchor tattoo may become a sinking blob later on in life. Spoiler: it sinks, that is what an anchor does. The very definition. Disclaimer: I do not have said tattoo.

3. Don’t forget to wear sunscreen. Yes, this one is an actual quote. No, that’s not why I’m writing it. Skin cancer looks scary.

2. Don’t worry too much about what people think. People will love you, people will hate you, people may not even think about you.

1. Don’t be afraid to be yourself. This one, my friends, take some time because of number 2. But, once you get to this place, you’ll feel much better.